Friday Wank

God I'm bored. As the working week draws to a close, the mounting restlessness nears a peak. Teeth set constantly to grit & grind, jaw jutted out, every part of me is on edge. This is meant to be a good day, it's Friday, and Fridays should always be a Good Friday. The music on, beer in hand, standard weapon of choice for the week's end. The weapon is misfiring though, since I'm even more fed up than I was at the end of Monday. Friday being more uncomfortable than Monday? This is some seriously fucked up shit right here, mon ami.

Why the long face, loser? Well, let's divulge. I've had the flat to myself now for the entirety of the working week, the missus away on a work thing. She was only meant to be away a couple of days, but has been stranded in Wintry weather since. Not expecting this, I basically started my working week how I normally full-stop it; a few beers, music, xbox and peace to generally potter about when she would normally go to bed. I tried doing this for the rest of the week, as each day's news of further flight cancellations rang in, rolling with it on a day by day basis. Away for another night? Fuck it! Let's go mad! No dinner for me, lets concoct something from the ingredients I have in stock, a proper slob-snack! Let's go mad here, grate some cheese, throw in raw onion (roughly chopped), a bit of chive, some chilli flakes, black pepper and the only meat in the house that doesn't need defrosting, some bacon (smoked back rashers- fried & then chopped into bits), and we'll house it all in a tortilla wrap! Yeah! Fucking mental!

That recipe is awesome by the way. But I digress. There I was, going mad, and concocting and shit, but I'd spent my load too soon. Too much fun had been had at the start of the week, and now Friday has finally arrrived, so has the next flight cancellation. Everything I'd normally try and cram into a quiet Friday has been spoodged all over the week. Where normally I'd have a point of bearing for the week- her daily schedule of reality TV, proper dinners and the like, I've been rudderless, and aimless. And fucking freezing. Our little love-nest, the one she's normally here to fill with me, has been empty, except for the mad, gibbering, half-cut dinner alchemist. The half-cut dinner alchemist adorned in his thick dressing gown, slippers and hat the whole time. I must look like a crazy fucking scientist, or a mental grandad of the highest senile order. The only point of reference I have is from THIS old bint, who I thought was a print on my wall to start with, until I realised that she stares at me ALL THE TIME! When I came in from work today, shivering away, and robed myself in my standard evening gear, I swear she tutted at me. You may think that I'm just imagining things, being alone here, but if she does it again I'll fucking knock her out. Ooooh, a crown! Who paid for that, you monkey cunt?!

Cheeky bitch. So what else is there to do? Now that I've done most of what a Friday would be, but spread it thinly over the week like it was the last piece of butter on the last piece of toast? That's right, HAVE A WANK! That worked when I was a teen, a wank fixed everything! And even when nothing was broken, there was always time for a wank! This would be great, I'd be well up for resuming childhood habits, if it weren't for the fact my cock has gone AWOL, again. Great. So now my cock doesn't work during a drug binge, or in extreme weather conditions! Thanks cock, I owe you one! Next ugly munter I see, you're getting a lesson you bastard! Then we'll see who's boss!

I'm so bored, I could wank myself into the next millenia, like some crazed mountain gorilla. But the cold means my body doesn't want to know either. Now I know I've lost the battle between mind and body. And now that I've mentioned monkeys, the chimp-print on the wall has given me the eye. Fuck, now my mind has lost its mind.

FUCK YOU, FRIDAY!